10 Common Types of ADHD Masking and Why Unmasking Matters

Living with ADHD can often feel like being pulled in a dozen directions at once. The distractions, impulsivity, difficulty with focus, and more may not only affect day-to-day functioning, but also lead to the need to “mask” or hide symptoms in social and professional settings. ADHD masking is the conscious or unconscious effort to suppress traits that might seem socially undesirable or problematic. While masking helps individuals navigate a world that often misunderstands ADHD, it can be emotionally draining and isolating. Understanding the different ways people with ADHD mask, and the importance of creating space to be authentically unmasked, can help those with ADHD find a greater sense of balance and self-acceptance.

What Is ADHD Masking?

ADHD masking involves consciously or subconsciously hiding behaviors and traits associated with ADHD to fit in or avoid judgment. This can be exhausting because it demands continuous mental and emotional energy to maintain. People often mask to avoid stigmatization, protect relationships, or succeed in workplaces that don’t fully accommodate neurodiversity. However, long-term masking can lead to burnout, anxiety, depression, and a deeper sense of feeling disconnected from one’s true self.

Here are ten common or subtle ways individuals with ADHD mask their symptoms:

1. Over-Preparing or Overworking

People with ADHD often overcompensate for difficulties with time management or attention by over-preparing. They might double-check work, rehearse conversations, or stay up late to finish tasks that others may complete more effortlessly. This behavior stems from a fear of being perceived as disorganized, incompetent, or unreliable. Over-preparing can mask struggles with attention or working memory, but it often leads to burnout due to the additional mental and physical load.

2. Suppressing Hyperactivity

Many people with ADHD, particularly women, often suppress hyperactive tendencies to appear calm and composed. This could mean sitting still when their body craves movement or avoiding gestures and fidgeting during conversations. While this may help them blend in, it can feel like they are constantly fighting their natural urges, causing tension and stress over time.

3. Mimicking Neurotypical Behaviors

Masking can also involve mimicking the behaviors, conversation styles, and habits of neurotypical people. This may involve paying extra attention to how others structure their days, handle tasks, or interact socially, and then attempting to replicate these behaviors. This requires significant cognitive energy and can lead to exhaustion as the individual tries to adhere to patterns that don’t come naturally.

4. Avoiding Eye Contact

Maintaining eye contact can be challenging for individuals with ADHD, especially when their mind is racing or they’re trying to manage sensory overload. Rather than explain their discomfort, they may force themselves to maintain eye contact to appear engaged, or they may avoid social situations altogether. Both approaches mask the underlying discomfort and can leave the person feeling disconnected from others.

5. Hiding Emotional Reactions

Emotional dysregulation is common in ADHD, meaning someone may feel emotions intensely and find it hard to control their reactions. To avoid being perceived as “too much” or overly sensitive, they may suppress their emotional responses in social or professional settings. Over time, bottling up these emotions can lead to emotional burnout, anxiety, or feelings of isolation.

6. Using Humor as a Defense Mechanism

Many people with ADHD use humor to deflect attention from their struggles or to downplay mistakes. Making a joke about losing focus or being disorganized can lighten the mood but also prevents others from understanding the genuine challenges they face. Humor can be a way of masking the frustration and anxiety that comes with ADHD, allowing the person to hide vulnerability behind a smile.

7. Hyperfocusing on Appearance

Another common form of masking is hyperfocusing on outward appearance. This could mean dressing meticulously or obsessing over grooming as a way to project an image of control and competence. By focusing on appearance, individuals with ADHD may try to offset the internal chaos they feel and avoid judgment or criticism in other areas of their life.

8. People-Pleasing

People with ADHD may engage in people-pleasing behavior to avoid conflict, gain acceptance, or compensate for feelings of inadequacy. This often means saying “yes” to requests or responsibilities they can’t handle or going out of their way to meet others’ needs at the expense of their own. This form of masking can lead to exhaustion, as they struggle to juggle multiple commitments or tasks that overwhelm them.

9. Over-Apologizing

Constantly apologizing is another subtle form of masking. People with ADHD might say “sorry” frequently, whether for being late, missing a detail, or simply for being themselves. This stems from a fear of rejection or criticism, a way to preemptively manage others’ expectations. Over-apologizing can mask the underlying struggles and contribute to low self-esteem.

10. Avoiding Asking for Help

Lastly, many individuals with ADHD avoid asking for help because they don’t want to appear incompetent or weak. Instead, they struggle in silence, masking their difficulties by putting on a façade of capability. This not only deepens feelings of isolation but also denies them the support they need to thrive.

The Purpose of Masking

Masking often serves a protective purpose. In a world that tends to misunderstand or stigmatize ADHD, masking can help individuals maintain relationships, succeed at work, and avoid judgment or criticism. People with ADHD may feel pressure to meet societal expectations or adhere to standards set by neurotypical peers.

Masking is often more common in environments where accommodations for ADHD are lacking, where there is less understanding, or where neurodiverse traits are seen as disruptive or negative. For many, it’s a survival strategy, a way to navigate systems and spaces not built for them.

However, while masking can help someone cope in the short term, it can be harmful in the long run if they never get to show their authentic self. The emotional toll of constantly pretending or trying to fit in can lead to issues like anxiety, depression, burnout, and a loss of self-identity.

The Importance of Unmasking

While masking may feel necessary in some situations, it’s equally important to have time and space to exist authentically—to be unmasked. Unmasking is crucial for mental and emotional well-being, as it allows individuals to honor their true self, without the weight of societal expectations or judgment. Creating safe spaces—whether at home, with close friends, or in therapy—where unmasking is possible can foster a sense of acceptance and reduce the emotional burden.

Unmasking can also facilitate self-awareness. When people with ADHD can drop the façade, they can better understand their strengths and areas for growth. It allows them to focus on self-compassion and begin to find coping strategies that align with their natural tendencies instead of battling against them.

For therapists, friends, and family members of people with ADHD, it’s important to encourage environments where unmasking is not only accepted but celebrated. Understanding and acknowledging that masking is often a response to external pressures can help dismantle the stigma surrounding ADHD. The more we normalize the neurodiverse experience, the less people will feel the need to mask in the first place.

Creating Time to Be Unmasked

For individuals with ADHD, carving out time and spaces to be unmasked can be as important as the masking itself. This may involve spending time alone, engaging in hobbies that bring joy, or seeking out relationships where they feel truly accepted. Therapy can also be a space for unmasking—where they can be vulnerable without judgment and work through the challenges of balancing their ADHD with the demands of life.

At its core, unmasking is about finding freedom and embracing one’s unique way of interacting with the world. It’s an essential part of self-care and healing for individuals with ADHD. By understanding the pressures behind masking and offering space to be unmasked, we can help people with ADHD live more authentically and thrive in all aspects of their lives.

As a therapist, I specialize in ADHD and understand the complexities of masking and unmasking. If you’re feeling exhausted from hiding parts of yourself or want to explore how to live more authentically, reach out today to start your journey toward self-acceptance.